Nice Guys Finish Last

My wife tells me that my blog entries sound angry.  Well let me clarify something.  I'm not angry, I'm a realist.  I
don't always see the good in things as my caring wife does.  I see what's wrong with them and how they should be
better.  I may be negative but that's because i can't keep my mouth shut when i see something negative.  I like to
unload an asskickin to make things right.  I mean, if you're always happy with what you have and you're content
with where you are, then the less probability that you'll change... and with change usually comes improvement.
Basically what i'm saying is complacency can be a killer.  Status Quo is Latin for "you haven't done shiet."

Bottomline:  One's comfort zone can quickly become one's final resting place. 

Ask Mr. Elisha Gray.  Who is Elisha Gray you ask.  Well, let's just say he's the most hated member of the Gray
family.  Elisha Gray is the inventor of the telephone.  You say, No, that was Alexander Graham Bell.  I say No,
Alexander Graham Bell was the first to be awarded the patent for the telephone because he was diligent and filed
for it a couple hours prior to Gray (who filed a caveat, his intention to apply), but not the only inventor.  Imagine
the difference a couple hours made.  Not only for Elisha, but for generations of The Gray Family.  The Bell's aren't
complaining though.  Again, complacency is a killer.  Ask Daniel Peter, the swiss inventor of milk chocolate who
sold his invention to his next door neighbor, Henry Nestle'.  As they say, you snooze you loose. 

You must be critical to see the potential in things.  Ray Kroc knows this.  Who is Ray Kroc?  He was a poor
struggling milkshake machine salesman who sold a rather large order of milkshake machines to a couple brothers
in California, one of his few customers.  I guess Kroc felt he was growing complacent because he flew out to
California to see what these brothers were up to.  He later bought the rights to their family business and opened
up a similar store outside Chicago bearing the two brother's family name... McDonald's. 

Finally, my favorite, Frank Epperson.  Frank Epperson invented The Epsicle at the ripe young age of 11 years
old.  He left his fruity drink outside one night and in the morning it had frozen, stirrer/straw and everything.  The
Epsicle was later renamed the Popsicle and his family still owns the patents today.  Along with the Fudgsicle,
Dreamsicle, and Creamsicle.  You think this young 11 year old asskicker thought.. "oh wonderful, this is a really
wonderful frozen treat to share with all my really wonderful friends, wonderful..."  Are you kidding!  Hell NO!!  what he said was and i quote, "i need to patent this biatch before someone tries to peep my chedda...."   My thoughts exactly Frank!  I'm Out! - BadMuthaYu.

  Elisha Gray, Optimist.  It is said that if his application was submitted a couple
hours earlier he would have been recognized as the inventor of the telephone.  What's more sickening is the fact that his
original design would have worked, opposed to Bell, who's original design did not!  Gray did get a patent on a musical
instrument, a by-product of his telephone.  Coincidentally, his musical instrument made the sound of a cash register...
Cha-ching!  j/k.  I just made that last part up in the name of Irony.

Boys Won't Be Boys  A story lacking C₁₉H₂₈O₂

Guys today are not the guys of yesterday.  I mean where are the asskickers I knew growing up???  Where are
the guys that get their hands dirty???  Where are the guys that when shiet happens they roll up their sleeves and
they throw down???  Today, guys look forward to getting massages, even facials on occasion!  Today, guys
shop at malls by themselves!  FOR themselves!  Today, guys make reservations for dinner.... WITH OTHER
GUYS!!!  Is this disturbing at all to anyone???  Back in the day, guys didn't go out to eat in a sitdown restaurant
that requires reservations unless it was: A. a birthday dinner.  B. a date (with a female) or C. Mother's Day.
That's it!  Back in the day, guys would be forced at gun point to go shopping at a mall.  I mean they went to
solicit girls at a mall, hangout at the arcade or movie theater at a mall, or hit the mall bookstore's magazine rack
for the latest porn (at least where you could grab the porn, slide it into a legitimate book, and walk to the back
corner of the store without getting noticed, atleast that's what i hear!).  No Self-Help Books!  No Us Magazine!
No Harry feckin' Potter!!!  Give me a break.  Back in the day, if you got a massage from another guy, i believe
you'd get an Ass Kickin'!  Back in the day, guys drank coffee, black, with lotsa sugar.  Lots!  No Caramel
Hazelnut Mocha Grande with an extra shot of espresso, splash of soymilk, and a pinch of nutmeg.  NO!  HELL
NO!!!  And i don't want to talk about men's fashion today cause I touched upon this topic two days ago ("The
Chaj").  Briefly.  But guys aren't totally to blame LADIES!  Where do you think the encouragement comes from.
I know a lot of girls these days have lots of guy friends, and in turn, guys these days have a lot of girls as friends,
totally and completely platonic friends.  PLATONIC!!!  Back in the day Platonic was a kick ass Oliver Stone
war movie staring Charlie Sheen, William Dafoe, and Tom Berenger!!  Anyways, back to what I was sayin, Girls
have a lot of guys as friends and knowing girls like to play girl-games like dress-up and make-overs, but they're
starting to include the boys in these gender specific games.  NO!  STOP!!!  Please, Please, Please  future
mommies, have your daughters limit this kind of play to girls only.  Think about it… How lonely will my
sons be knowing that they’re the only AssKickers in a whole neighborhood chaulk full of kids.  I beg you.
Please! Please!  Please!  Let boys be boys and keep the estrogen influence to a minimum.  Our future sons are
depending on it!  Caramel Hazelnut Mocha Grande?!?! Give me a break!  I'm Out! - BadMuthaYu

For their reading pleasure while my boys are in Vegas for 2 months...  Also, due to the length and not wanting to offend anyone, this list is limited to the crew of 10+ years.

SweetLife Lin aka EZMoney:  There's a reason we call him SweetLife and EZMoney....  cause he lives one and has alot of it.  Nobody makes more money (per hour) than EZMoneyLin...  except for people you recognize on TV..  and EZMoney will hopefully be just as recognizable after the World Series of Poker commences.  But some will already recognize him as the person who hands out $100 bills to people working the late shift when we walk back to the hotel after a night of drinking...  or the one who, without warning, will throw his new cell phone and/or ice'd out watch across the room or down the street for no apparent reason but b/c he's drunk...  or the one who will throw away $50 bills cause he believes they're bad luck...  or the one who will claim we stole money from him or we're playing a practical joke on him because by the next morning, the pockets full of money he started the night off with had mysteriously dwindled down to a couple $100 bills and some wadded up $50s ready to be thrown in the trash... 

Ocean City: EZMoney (left) with BadMuthaYu

GutShotBob aka Btrain formerly known as FunBobby:  Gutshot Bob is was the most feared pokerplayer in the crew.  His maniac style and unorthodox mentality to not give a shiet what the other players have, gives him the advantage...  he'll keep raising until you start to cry and/or fold.  Gutshot is no longer in the game due to his newest racket...  marriage.  He's holdin it down on a regular 9-5 keepin his loving wife happy.  The funniest memory I have of B, aside from the UMich Halloween Costume Contest where, unbeknownst to us and even himself, he entered as a completly drunk Hulk Hogan (sans costume). With the muscle flexing poses and the hand-to-ear crowd-calling maneuver down pat, he had the crowd roaring... pointing and laughing but roaring nonetheless!  Anyways, the funniest memory I have of him was when he was playing poker at the Commerce Casino.  He looked as though he was concealing something in his lap.  After sneaking a peek I couldn't make out what the feck it was.  So I asked him.  He immediately got really fidgety and embarrassed...  His reply, he bought something for his wife and didn't want to put it down in fear of possibly leaving it behind.  He spent the next 12 hours concealing on his lap a cute multicolored tiger looking stuffed animal thing that he bought for his wife at the casino gift shop... hilarious!  He is no longer building equity in poker but that doesn't stop him from building equity in his house and in his home...  know the difference between house and home and you'll know that Gutshot is still a very rich man...  Big Props B! 

Chicago: GSB (left) next to Tricky with Ham's bro LK bringing up the rear.

John Myung aka Yum-Yum or who i simply call Myung:  Myung is the most recognizable out of the crew, not only in the poker world for his skills but in the real world for the size of his neck.  From his star ballin' years to his star buffet years, he can still throw down..  i'm talkin food not fights.  Btw, he's the nicest and most generous guy, next to SweetLife and Tricky, in the crew.  Actually Gutshot Bob and Chingy are extremely generous as well.  In fact, all these guys are feckin generous even back when we were all broke.  I remember back in the day a penniless Cornell grad Myung started smoking and would always buy smokes by the carton, take two out, then dump the rest on the table in case anyone needed a pack...  sharing is caring and this guy has a heart matched only by the size of his neck and his appetite...  did i tell you he loves to eat.  One time I shared a room with Myung at the Borgata in AC and as soon as I got there (i guess he was waiting for me to order roomservice), he picked up the phone and ordered a lobster, a fillet, a salmon, and endless soups and appetizers, a carafe of OJ, 4 large waters and then turns to me with a straight face and asks what I wanted...    Then turns back to the phone and says, make that 2 of everything but the drinks...  WOW!  I guess I shouldn't have left him alone with the menu for so long.


Googled: Myung adding to his tourney wins...

DWang aka ChingHau or Chingy or commonly referred to as Data:  He has the uncanny ability to recall (in great detail) every hand, every flop, every badbeat he's ever witnessed (some he wasn't even a part of) for the past 14 years.  Just ask him about the cho hand from 1993...  Also, this ex-GhostShadows hothead is unmatched in his ability to talk fast, drive fast, play 4 simultaneous games of online poker fast, and act fast when taking off his shirt at the bar..  yeah i said it!  I'm not scared of this guy putting me in an ungodly headlock (only matched by my sleeping wife when she thinks i'm a pillow), cause i've felt his wrath before and escaped unscathed, well a sore neck but i've felt worse.  He's the only guy in the crew that can match wits, hot tempers, and the only guy in our crew seen eye to eye with Yours Truly...  literally, he stands just short of my height...  unless of course he's wearing his lifts..  kidding.  At 5'7 3/4" he's labeled the shortest guy in the crew.  next to BallBanger that is...  haha suckas!

Chingy with Chun and O in the background. Sorry Chun you didn't make the 10 year cut (only 9 years, plus you're a girl)...

Henry or Hank aka Hammer or Ham:  Given his name for multiple reasons by his peers, or as they like to refer to themselves as "the boys".  As we were "the hoods".  And together we made "the boys n' the hoods" back at UMich...  kidding.  This group of outcast seniors were a perfect fit for us group of outcast freshman.  We loved to skip class to gamble, drink, and cause havoc around Ann Arbor.  Hammer is the godfather of the PPPs holdin it down for the past 10+ years.  He's the most consistent winner...  He's also the most intelligent, most well read, and most laziest procrastinator alive (pardon the redundancy but i had to keep with the format).  I remember countless times where we'll invite Ham to go somewhere, only to hear him say he's gotta go workout or make some money at the boat...  This normally sparks a laugh outa Tricky b/c sure enough, when Trick and I get back from where we were going (hours later), Ham would be in the exact same position we left him in (aside for some additional food stains on his Tshirt).  Btw, one reason we call him Hammer... well, i don't want to get into too much detail, but just ask him why he has to put on 3 socks in the morning...  unless it's cold, then 2 is sufficient.

  Ham & his 3rd leg next to my wife.

Jin aka Jin:  Just Jin, no nicknames that stick...  sorta like how his toupee doesn't stick to his forehead.  But that's neither here nor there.  Everyone in our group is loud and hilarious but they wouldn't be as loud or as hilarious if this guy didn't laugh at anything and everything we say.  He's like a human applause sign with a contagious laugh and a great attitude...  that is if he isn't yelling "goooodaaaaamniiiiitttt!!!" whenever he can't find a parking spot or when he hears that other people make more money than he does.  But don't let this guy fool you into buying him a free meal, free cover, free nights out, or free housing, this guy is feckin Fort Knocks.  He makes bank but will snatch a freebie from his boys faster than he'll say "goooodaaaaamniiiiitttt" after getting his Ace's snapped off on the river.  He's also the social guy of the crew.  Always down for small talk welcoming new people to the group while the rest of us are acting immature and causing a scene.

Just Jin

JLee aka Bronx:  Every crew needs a well rounded guy (and not just in body shape).  One part playa, one part PPP, one part athlete, one part social butterfly, one part never ending talker.  This equals a lot of parts that get absolutely obliterated on a nightly basis.  On any given night, in any given city across the country, in any given trendy club/bar within that city, if you ever see a drunken - purple - blotchy faced guy, hunched over on a couch, and clutching a double JohnnyWalkerBlack on the rocks (usually around NYC, DC, Chicago, LA, or Vegas areas), do us a favor and yell out "BRONX"!!!  If he lifts his head but manages to keep his eyes closed then you've found our boy!  Just yell out "Gamja-tang" or "Maeuhn Kalbi-Tang" and he'll sober up while looking for the nearest exit.  Bronx is also known as the human NASCAR Green Flag that indicates the start of a race.  It's common knowledge that a fight doesn't officially break out until Bronx gets hit directly in the face.  Although he's usually the peacemaker trying to quash an argument (usually instigated by Chingy or BadMuthaYu), it doesn't officially begin until we see Bronx get hit squarely in his drunken - purple - blotchy face...  then all hell breaks loose...  usually with laughter.

 

Sung aka Ballbanger or who i refer to as "#2 playa for realz":  As a freshman, I learned everything from him.  I saw the way he spoke to the hunnies, how he charmed them, and ultimately how he swarmed in for the kill like an unstoppable rogue force, atleast for the slow, defenseless, nearsighted ones.  From this I learned precisely what to do...  The EXACT opposite from this crazy fool...  BallBanger got his name from his self-proclaimed ball striking ability on the golf course.  But i call him "#2 playa for realz" cause - give it up to him - before our crew got to UMich he caught the eyes of a few ladies..  not by his looks, obviously, but from his charm and knack for livening up any occasion...  He had 3 - 5, maybe 6 years to prey on unsuspecting college girls before we arrived.  He must have noticed how all the hunnies in his class started showing us freshman some attention.  The coddling, the babying, the shameless flirting...  I surmise this was all too overwhelming for him and his boys..  or "the boys" as they like to call themselves, that it got him extremely extremely jealous...  so what does he do?  The first chance he sees where he can recapture some attention, he takes.  Enter "The Hit" (as he likes to call it).  He knocked out a big ass dude that was roughin some guys up.  I'll never forget it.  After "The Hit" one of the senior girls went up to him and whispered "that was so sexy"...  I was furious considering I was about 1.8 seconds away from hitting that guy my damn self!  BallBanger stole my thunder and reclaimed some love from his chromosome counterpart classmates...  but that didn't stop the rest of them from coddling, babying, and dating the "#1 playa for realz"...  He claims I preyed on all his exes..  but when does a guy just not understand that a vulnerable freshman asskicker can say "NO" only so many times...

Chicago: (LtoR) EZ, Jin, Trick, Bronx, Chingy, BallBanger, BadMutha (in the back Gutshot and Larry)

Tricky aka J to the K:  Tricky's wife and I are the only ones to call him this.  That's because he's alittle shy and sensitive and doesn't like all the attention brought onto himself.  So we talk in code...  He was supposed to be my BestMan at my wedding but was too shy to give the bestman speech, so he didn't come...  oh that and his 1st born, Addison, was delivered the next day...  how convenient!  His bashfulness doesn't stop him from flipping through pictures lightning fast until he gets to the ones he's in, then he pauses with admiration...  I mean, nevermind!  Trick's my oldest friend in the crew and he's usually the 1st guy down for doing some fun shiet...  he's also the first guy willing to pick you up from the airport, lets you stay at his crib anytime, and stays out all night entertaining guests...  He's the 2nd youngest looking guy in the crew next to Yours Truly...  alteast that's what 9 out of 10 ladies have said.  But don't let his babyface fool you.  He's a killer.  I got blamed for 95% of all the fights he started in college.  In fact, we almost got killed by Chingy and Dougie the first day we met them at the poolhall cause he was giving some dirty ass looks...  and to this day, BOTH Chingy AND Dougie say it was me...  see what i mean?!?!  Anyways, tricky is one of the most loved guys in the crew, not because he's the richest nor because he'll loan out rediculous sums of money at the drop of a hat (although both having ALOT to do with it), but because he's got a big heart.  This entry won't last long b/c after he reads it he'll be calling me to delete it -  that is as soon as he figures out how to turn on his computer...  did i mention he's shy and sensitive, but you know what..  feck it JK.  The shits stayin up.

Vegas: notice the youthful BadMuthaYu with the not as young looking Tricky

LA: Trick and his Groomsman. Bronx, GutshotBob, Jin, and BadMuthaYu are all in there somewhere.

These guys are your normal run of the mill fun-loving, free-spirited, everyday guys.  Yeah, bar bills can exceed $10k on any given night (even weekdays) and they have expensive taste in food, clothing, and liquor, but rest assured, they are totally normal and friendly..  well most of the time.  You look at their houses and it's straight outa MTV Cribs with wall to wall plasmas and just about every bigboy toy imaginable.  You line up their rides and you'll see a row of endless Range Rovers, BMWs, Mercedes, and one Nissan Maxima or Ultima or whatever that thing is with a big ass stain in the back seat that "someone" swears came from me... i beg to differ.  Anyways, i'm proud of the success that my boys have obtained and continue to achieve both at "work" and at home.  It couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of guy!  Good luck at this years WSOP.  Right about now you're reading this from your rooms at the Bellagio overlooking the water/light show.  I miss you guys...  Big Love homies! 

>SweetLife or Myung, if i come out there during the main event, i'm gonna stay with one of you cause you guys know how to order some serious room service...  (See Myung's entry above)

Til next time... I'm Out! - BadMuthaYu

LA: Our fav pastime after putting in long hours in the poker room is to put in some long hours in the hotel room playing my fav game... Chinese Poker.  Although only 4 can play, it's fun for all the railbirds as well...  Seat Open!  (LtoR: EZMoney, Tricky, Chingy, BTrain, Bronx, BallBanger, and the back of DC's head.)

Chicago: Some sports bar that let us buy Johnny Black by the bottle and that didn't have a dress code nor a shaving requirement...  Feckin Lombard boys!
(EZMoney, BallBanger, BadMuthaYu, Myung, and Gutshot)

LA: We miss the days of Le Prieve with the smoking room, or i'd like to call the money room! (LtoR: LA Andy, LA James, Trick, LA Peter, Jin, LA Steve, BadMuthaYu, EZMoney.)  Edit: This was Velvet Room.

Chicago: Causing a scene with our loud, immature, bellowing laughs...  (EZ, Trick, and i'll guess Jin, with Bronx and Ham in the background) 

NYC: As always, loser drinks another... yay! (EZ, Nor, Myung)

(sorry if this was extremely boring for everyone but for me this was quite fun...)

***UPDATE:  EZMoney finished in the money during the first event, 100th out of 3000 players.  Very disappointing Lin!  I've decided not to add another entry until one of my boys brings home a godamn bracelet...  Oh and  Myung, grab a handful of WSOP chips and a sharpie!  $7.99 x 1,000,000 = alot o' cheddar!

Yes Dear....  I guess!

I had this conversation with my wife a few days ago.  Here's what transpired.

BadMammaYu:  I think i'm gonna get a straight perm.

BadMuthaYu:  Didn't you just get a perm?

BadMammaYu:  Yeah but that was a body wave.

BadMuthaYu:  How much did that cost?

BadMammaYu:  $100

BadMuthaYu:  Now you want to straighten it out?

BadMammaYu:  I'm sick of all the maintenance.

BadMuthaYu:  How much is a straight perm?

BadMammaYu:  $150.

BadMuthaYu:  What the...  You're gonna end up paying $250 to end up looking the exact same as before.  Just let nature take it's course...  I'll put it to you this way...  Would you pay someone to wash your car in the rain... or would you pay someone to cut your hair if you were going bald... or would you pay someone to shovel snow off your driveway in the summertime???

BadMammaYu:  

BadMuthaYu:  OK, nevermind that last one...  What i'm trying to say is...  if you paid for something, then get some use out of it.  Don't spend more money to fix it when eventually it'll fix itself for free.  You know what i mean????

BadMammaYu:  Ummm...........Naaahhhhhhhhhh.

BadMuthaYu:    yay!

Til next time...  I'm Out!  - BadMuthaYu


(This is what my wife does to me when i try to steal a lick of her popsicle...  have a safe weekend everyone!
NYC: Don't forget to pack an umbrella)

another one for laughs...  (notice how the kangaroo/rabbit/hybrid thing is standing all proud with its delicious treat, just chomping away until the sneaky little birdy robs his ass....  then the kangaroo/rabbit/hybrid thing looks helplessly into his empty paws in utter disbelief!  I love its last gulp of delicious treat after he realizes it's gone!  Awwwwwwwwww... hahahahah!)